Blues and Boredom

I wish I could figure out what is wrong with me. I know anxiety makes you get in your head and over think so much. But why do I question everything? I feel like I’m the only one who ever seems to get in my way. (Check out the song Maybe by Lewis Capaldi)

I’m in this great relationship. Head over heels for this guy. Been talking 6 months now been officially dating for 4 months. He’s great to me and my kids. I am crazy crazy about him and his babies. We never fight. We have so much in common. He’s the calm to my storms. In his arms is where I find so much comfort and peace and I’ve never really had that before.

So I ask myself why do I still want to run… Am I really that broken that I will never be able to be in even a stable, healthy relationship?! I don’t get why I get bored when we have a great time together. I don’t get why I get down about being with him even though things are so good. I’m waiting for something to happen even if I don’t worry about it happening.

I want to be okay and not feel like I’d rather be alone then put everything into this while waiting for something to happen for it just to fall apart and no it might not so I take the risk and try. I feel like I want to be selfish in life and just be alone forever and do my own thing and not deal with any other human beings. I hate the push and pull in my brain!

“How come I’m the only one who ever seems to get in my way?
Lately, I’ve been fucking up a good thing any chance I can get
Somebody to lean on, somebody to hold
It’s just another to lead out before I let go
And I ain’t tryna be lonely, solely
But everything I touch turns to stone
Maybe I’m better off on my own” – Lewis Capaldi that song was written for me….

We are kinda cute together though. The pic was taken at Bald River Falls in Tellico, TN

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