We Remember

18 years ago and it still haunts us. We remember one of the most tragic events in American History today.

We always use the phrase where were you on September 11, 2001? I believe most of us who were old enough to remember do still remember. I was at high school in English class. (I wish I had paid more attention back then so I could be a better blogger today haha!)

I remember how it felt like all of the American people came together that day, that month, and the months after. It would be amazing if we could have a world like that without a tragic event happening.

I am still so thankful for all of the emergency workers that braved and risked their lives that day. Yes, so many lives were lost but if it hadn’t been for them it would have been even more.

Last year I took my kids to the 9/11 memorial and museum. I had been a few years back before the museum was open. We were all in shock at how much was recovered from the wreckage. What an eye opening and incredible museum. I wish we had all day to stay there and read and look at everything. We will have to make another trip back someday. If you have never been I highly recommend taking a trip. It is worth every penny.

I would also like to remind everyone no matter what your beliefs are that happened that day, it was still a terrible tragedy for the American people and many families. Please be respectful today and take time to remember.

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Food for Thought

I read something earlier that hit me hard. It said “When you can tell your story and it doesn’t make you cry that’s when you know you are healed.” I don’t know who wrote it to give them credit where credit is due.

It makes me think about myself, my story.

I think I am healed some days. Some days I don’t. Some parts of my story make me cry still and some don’t so maybe I’m healed from them.

What I do know is I am working on me everyday. I want to be the best version of me so I can be the best for my kids and eventually someone else one day.

I encourage everyone to learn to love and respect yourself a little more everyday and in the words of my friend Lori find happiness everyday no matter what… do something that makes YOU happy!

Picture is of me and Dr Evil from a horror convention I attended a couple weeks ago. Halloween/horror makes me happy 😊

Finding Myself

I am a giver, a problem solver. It’s who I am. I wanna fix people no matter how much it breaks me. I end up losing myself because I put everything I am into other people and their problems.

This last year has been so challenging and complicated…. it has changed me.

I am focusing on myself. I am going to fix me. I am putting myself and my children first. I am finding happiness.

I will prevail. I will be stronger. I will not fail. I will love myself more. I will not tolerate bullshit. I will show this world it can not break me.

I have found myself! She is strong! She is fierce!

The Over Thinker

In my experience with anxiety it causes me to over think and over analyze every detail of life.

Lately I have been thinking about sending my ex husband an apology text. I’m not wanting him back or anything of that nature but I have been doing a lot of thinking about myself and I feel like I need to apologize. Kind of feel like righting my wrongs lately.

We separated in August 2018 and our divorce was final in January 2019. I don’t know if it’s because it’s almost been a year and that has been causing me to think about everything or if it’s my new relationship slipping through my fingers making me wish I had done some things differently in my marriage and maybe we would have still been together. Whatever the reason it’s weighing on my mind a lot and I’m not really sure what to do.

Part of me knows it won’t make a difference so why waste my time but the other part of me thinks maybe he would appreciate it and I might feel better getting it out there.

This is the part of anxiety that gets so hard when your mind goes back and forth and you don’t know what to do and it consumes every thought no matter if it’s morning, midday, or night my mind doesn’t stop.

Like a runaway train with a destination of nowhere.

Ladies Night

Last night I had a much needed night with “the girls”. I have been beyond blessed with a handful of girls who have been there for years and supported me through all of my ups and downs.

We had a pure romance party with food and wine at my friend Lori’s house. There were 8 ladies including myself. The best part about the pure romance parties… no men are allowed ever!! So it’s a true night with only ladies getting to express ourselves and learn to lean on each other and love ourselves a little more.

I’m not a big drinker but with the last few weeks being pure hell in my relationship, I walked in with every intention of not being able to walk in a straight line when I left. A couple hours, drinks, dildo demonstrations, and laughs later my mission was accomplished!

It’s not about how big your circle is it’s about the quality not the quantity. They made sure I got home safely and even checked on me today to make sure I was okay. I ended up calling out of work, which I never do because of being so hungover and not being able to sleep once I got home.

Friends are so very important. I honestly couldn’t make it through this life without the few ladies I have by my side. No matter how bad my anxiety is, how many times I feel like I’m going to die, how many guys I kick to the curb, or how many crazy shenanigans I come up with they are right by my side. I want to thank them for supporting me, telling me the honest truth when I don’t want to hear it and still being there when I’m wrong and they get to say I told you so. That’s what real friends do!

Just Breath

Good Morning y’all!

I’ve been facing the challenge of just being able to breath the last few weeks. I don’t think most people know all the ways anxiety can affect the body and even after dealing with it for nearly 10 years now there’s still new affects it has on me at times.

I’ve been having relationship issues the last 3 weeks which has put a lot of stress on me mentally. Anxiety already makes us overthink every possible scenario and lots of times makes us assume the worst and the last 3 weeks all I have been able to do is focus on everything negative that has happened in my past and is has made me build this massive wall to push someone I love away because I’m afraid of getting hurt.

While doing that I have not only been hurting my relationship but also hurting myself, making my anxiety worse, and forgetting how to breath. I know most people think breathing is an automatic response the body just does and for the most part it is. When you have severe anxiety and your body is under lots of stress it’s almost like a constant state of panic attack. We are trying to calm ourselves down by taking deep breaths and excessive breathing creates a low level of carbon dioxide in your blood resulting in hyperventilation.

I find myself feeling like I need to yawn constantly to get a full deep breath to satisfy my body but as I was researching why I kept doing this I found out that I was making it worse because I was consuming to much oxygen making the carbon dioxide levels low in my blood and making breathing harder because it was making me hyperventilate. So I started watching the way I was breathing and when I felt the need to take that deep breath or make myself yawn I resisted the urge as much as possible and just let my body do it’s normal breathing soon the urge for that deep yawn would subside.

The brain is a powerful force and sometimes we need to be strong! Remember we are still in control of the struggles we are facing and to JUST BREATH (but not to much lol)!!

P.S. I love taking pictures so I will try to share pictures I have taken on each post I make.

A Little About Me

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I am not a writer but I enjoying writing so here I am. Grammar mistakes and all… 

I am a southern girl who enjoys the outdoors. I love fishing, being on the lake, hiking, riding ATVs, mountains over beaches any day!

I am 33 and a mother of 2 teenagers. I work in a corporate legal position by day and hope to become a blogger by night!

I have been dealing with anxiety for nearly 10 years now. My life story is pretty crazy and for all of you who follow this blog you will learn a lot about me and the trials I’ve faced and continue to face daily! I hope we can be an inspiration to each other.